mikayla ryan, welcome to the family
sooooo cute.

LMAO! “Turns out Rose had a choice to make when he tripped on a 59th street pothole in New York City: protect his newly purchased MacBook Air, or his face — he chose the former.” Source.

remember the Greatest Love Story of all.

[note] this video isn’t mine. but surrender to Him, not to the ministry.

you know when i was 6, my mom would always take me to my lola’s apartment place on Hansen St. to ask for people’s monthly fees. and by “ask” i mean act like this mean mortgage-person who knows whatever you’re gonna say is a lie and force you to give us a valid answer anyway and not leave until we see you crying. hahah of course, that is my exaggerated version, which i choose to believe as the real thing. it just makes life-back-then more exciting to remember.

anyway, my point for that story is kinda related to my current problem. well, not really a problem. more like a nuisance. now, as a designer, i’ve become the tenant and this nuisance of a client of mine is now me and my mom 14 years back. but no, i haven’t cried yet (nor will i ever!) i like to believe i am a lot stronger than that.

i am doing a (checks dictionary for this fancy word for free stuff) pro bono. and in the context of getting stuff done for free, i thought clients are supposed to be really cute and do-whatever-i-say cuddly. and let’s just say this client is not cute and cuddly. and just a tip, be in good relation with your designer. or s/he could really mess you up intentionally. like this one designer who hated this guy’s writing so he decided to set his book in Wingdings! bah hilarious XD! or of course, we can always charge you for more if you get really annoying.

but this is a pro bono! and when there’s no charge, all you can do is make them wait.

here’s a pic to illustrate:

yea sure there’s a degree of truth in that. but i don’t entirely believe in it,
so, i decided to make a few revisions:

i was planning on getting a haircut this coming tuesday. but last night, i had a dream that i did get one and for the sake of being spontaneous, i decided for a really, really short cut– and it turned out ugly. seriously ugly. *sigh.

to make me feel better (and also make this dream less real), i searched for corny dream meanings and this is what i got:

To dream that you OR someone else is cutting your hair, it symbolizes that you are experiencing a loss in strength. You may feel that someone is trying to supress you. This dream can also mean that you are reshaping your thinking to eliminate negative attitudes or habits. source

see? it’s not because i will be getting a bad haircut this tuesday. it’s not.

[edit] 3.45pm | contradictions
3 quarters of me is a bit messed up. one of the hardest fights is the one you have with yourself. you know you can’t, but you still do. 19 years of my life, i’ve never imagined i’d go through something like this. give me anything but this. you give me no option! it’s not fair to suffer the biggest loss willingly. it’s like forcing yourself to watch the scariest film. you try to keep your eyes closed, but they stick pins between your eyelids and all the nasty details, you see happening before you.

this is too much hurt for a short person.

[edit] 5.19pm | soundtrack
my parents are fighting again. and underneath the music, i can hear my mom crying and my dad yelling. then my mom yelling back at him. i wonder if they really love each other. sometimes i fear that people who stay married for more than 50 years are either (a) really in love (b) scared of being alone.

*sigh. right now, the only thing that makes sense in my life…is You.

my instructor gave me a fail on class participation. i are pisshed. how dare she? i mean, sure i skip a lot. but that doesn’t mean i don’t participate in class! i happen to participate…silently. so now looking back, i endured listening to her boring attempts to teach us– and i did that all for nothing! i could’ve just stayed at home and watched early morning cartoon show replays or something.

she’s anti-design that’s why. how many times have i heard her blab about our project not being design-based? i think for every project brief, she always have to add that. yep. she hates me.

i wish i can find a picture of her so it’ll help you visualize my object of dislike better. wait, i’ll see if she’s famous enough to be on Google [...] yep, she’s not. figures. but i did however manage to find a very likely avatar of her:

i think it’s very accurate. that’s probably the same evil look she had when she was giving me that mark. best piece of nothing i’ve gotten from a stupid elective class, thanks.

i just want to quote a friend who blogged:

to say that we are strong is futile. to say that we can overcome anything is pointless. what do we say then? that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”.

People put on faces. Even the strongest can be broken down. Even the most faithful can be brought down to their knees. But I will not stay broken down. Not when He has started a good work in me. “Don’t let me go”, I said. Not when YOU O Lord have started Your work on me. “Finish what You’ve started in me.”

The mind wanders. and so matters affect us. But a focused mind that is focused on the LORD will win. against all odds. So my friend, whatever matter is in your hands. whatever obstacle you have in front. whatever wall you are trying to push. a beautiful mind filled with awe for our SAVIOUR is all we need over matters that seemed so big will suddenly become small.

it’s beautiful, i think. it’s kinda true though. the past weeks for me have been all about endless work and lack of sleep. it’s tough, living like this. especially when you know none of these matters anyway.

we’ve been doing a lot of infographics lately, so i’ll try to explain my situation visually:

this is me now.

this is how it should be.

hmm this shall be my new hide-out place.

i haven’t decided whether i should move my blog entirely. i probably will after this term. i just don’t have the time to figure out how to import stuff properly from tabulas to here.

anyway, yeah i should probably get to work. i forgot what i was gonna say. lol